Friday, August 08, 2008
Happily Ever After...?
I am no fan of happily ever after. Not because that I'm jealous as I don't think I will get to that stage, bt more to I know there is no such thing as happily ever after. We may get deluded from time to time from watching movies, hearing songs that promises that there is such a thing that is called true love that could lead to happily ever after. I admit, I am no big fan of love either. Not that kinda of love. Not the kind that everyone professes too often bt do not mean it most of the time. Not the kind shared by two individuals, who are strangers at first, met on a cross-road and decides that they are in love and they then proceed on to happily ever after.
L.O.V.E is a four-letter word that is all over-rated and under-rated at the same time.
Have you ever wondered and question yourself why you put your 'other half' so high up on that pedestal? Why you would do anything, just anything, to make sure that he/she is always there and loves you forever? Why you could go against the world just to be with him/her, no matter the consequences? Why you would strip yourself off from your very basic principles, to your beliefs and values, to your pride and moral and your reputation or your family's reputation just for this 'other half'? Why you could easily turn your back away from the people who had been there for you from the day that you were born and was there for you during all those tears and laughters, no matter how stupid or serious the matter was? How could you leave your friends when you vowed to be friends forever? How you could ever forget that there was life before your 'other half'? Have you wondered this before? Ever?
I have. I constantly do. Not for myself, bt for the people around me. I often wonder why people change sooooo much at the mere existence of 1 stranger. Of coz, there's exceptions. I know a few people who do not change their life just merely because of their other half, bt that's abt it, just a handful.
Hey, I've been in relationships before, bt I am never like that. So why must the rest be like that? It's all over-rated lah, seriously.
If you can put so much love into this stranger, why can't you do the same for your flesh and blood? Your family, your siblings, your PARENTS? And what about your so-called BFFs? Yes, they will always be there for you at the end of it, bt does that mean they are to be taken for granted? I don't see these people putting their family or friends up so high on the priority list. Even if they are, they are flexible on the list - the kind that you can cancel anytime you want it, the kind that you put on the list just for show bt really, really, your other half is the only one on the list. I don't see these bunch doing anything, just anything and everything to please their family or friends. God, most of the time, they ignore, and anger their parents - and these are the very 2 people you should be soooooo in love with. I don't even hear the word L.O.V.E being uttered frequently to family members. To your parents. Hah! I see cases where they don't even salam the parents and yet, AND YET, they salam their BFs. WTF? What the heck is that? And guys, carrying small ladies handbags like their GFs have no arms and yet, AND YET, how many of them actually help to carry their parents', their MUMs' handbags, or groceries or marketings? Do you ever wondered that?
It's funny. It's illogical-bt yet, it is happening.
I know a friend who was rushing to get married a few years back. At that time, I just got to know her. One day, I asked how long have she been with the bf. She said a year plus. I got perplexed - only a year plus and you are rushing to get married? I mean, she was only 21 at that time. So I ask, "don't you think you are rushing things? I mean, after all, you know him for only over a year and you are still very very young. So why the rush? Are you even ready?" And he was like her first bf! (Ok, at this point many will go.... awwww.... so sweet.... err... haiz... no commentlah....) And so they got married (I can't remember if they got married that year or the following year), with strong beliefs that they have met THE ONE and is on the road to happily ever after.
Bt happily ever after lasts a week. Yup, you saw that right. A WEEK. After that the harsh reality of a married life started to slap on her face. Literally. She got her divorce cert a few months later. Bt at that point, she was getting to know another guy. I told her that to take things slow. Its too fast. You just got out of a relationship - a marriage! She said yeah I will, but I don't wanna be old when I get married (dat time she was 22/23 i think). So she say, she will give another 3 years before she gets hitched again to this new guy. I kept my mouth shut. There's no way you can change the mind of someone who's in 'LOVE'.
So what's the point of this blog entry again? I just got her sms last night after almost a year of not hearing from her. Her sms was a brief one - she said she broke up with him a couple of days back as she found out the guy was cheating her for four mths. Needless to say, she was devastated. She can't believe her luck.
And I didn't know what to say to her. I mean I did, bt what I was going to tell her will hurt her even more. She didn't need to hear - 'I told you' so as words of encouragement during a difficult time.
She was always rushing into things - rushing into a marriage, rushing out of the marriage, rushing into a relationship right after getting out of a marriage, rushing to get married again. And from the start of the breakdown of her marriage, I thought, if only she had persevered a bit more, just a bit more and reacted more maturely in the situation, things wouldn't go downwards. Her marriage could actually be saved. I don't know how she viewed her life - bt I do know how I view my life and what I want out of it.
Marriage is a big step. A huge step even. A bigger than huge step. The concept is simple, really. If you think that you can't manage your own set of family and friends and colleagues with all their different opinions, antics, principles, ideas etc, when you get married, it's times 2. TIMES TWO! It's simple Maths. You don't minus it out because you get married, you gained another set! Knowing that, you have to be more patient, more understanding, more forgiving and ready to compromise. If you can't do that, don't get married. Getting married to a person doesn't mean you get married to the person exclusively. It means you get married to his/her work, family, friends, habits, enemies, past, present, future, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, everything. EVERYTHING! If you are not ready for that, don't get married.
I am not saying that one should not get married. I do believe that marriage can be beautiful - if you make it beautiful. And it's not gonna be an easy task to make it beautiful. Knowing all this, do you still wanna rush into it?
I sometimes think to myself, which is better? To be able to get a replacement for a broken heart in a snap or to let it heal slowly. I know I've been healing slowly. Too slow. Bt is this better than rushing? I guess I'll never know which is better. Bt I know what I want. And what I don't want in my life.
And right know I choose to heal. I choose to take my time. I choose to rather be lonely than stupid. For I know that happily ever after exist only in fairy tales and I am not a princess. I am not just a character that people read and make into movies. I am real. A person with a heart that can be easily broken. A person with a soul and spirit that can easily feel defeated. A person with determination and strength to overcome what come may, to live in this world. A person who wants to be happy bt do not want to risk her faith in finding happiness. A person that's me.
And this me is not finding her happily ever after moment - she is finding happiness only.
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 10:54 AM